I think I may be loosing it. I have a bunch of new little personality quirks, that by themselves are pretty harmless, but considering the circumstances, I think imply that I may be loosing it. I'm almost always late these days, something that for me personally, has always been a pet peeve of mine. I used to always tell my mom and brother that things like band concerts started a half hour before they really did, because those two couldn't seem to get anywhere on time. My brother always had to listen to one more song and though I never knew my mother's excuse then, I suspect it was simply that she was a mom. Now I'm one of them. And it isn't such bad company.
Another quirk I've developed lately is WWGJD? I know we are all use to what would Jesus do, but mine is what would Grandma Julie do? She'd spoil the kids, she'd take her own sweet time getting ready, she would read. And so there has been some kid spoiling, time taking and reading going on. I wake up most mornings with the thought of "Well, mom, what do we want to do today?" It is kind of a resignation to the fact that I will be thinking of her all day anyway, and it is also a way to try to take those thoughts of her and make them happy, not sad.
Lastly, on this list, but not in reality, is the new quirk I have of thinking my mom is trying to talk to me daily. I KNOW! It sounds crazy. But let me explain. Today, at the time of day when I am most out of energy, I turn the radio on and it is starts playing Olivia Newton-John's "Let Me Be There." How often do YOU hear that song on the radio? Do you even know that song? Well, when I was little it was my fav album. Olivia was country then. Anyway, the very first thing out of my mouth to my hubbie, without thinking was, my mom's trying to talk to me. It made me really happy at first. So happy I was kitchen dancing, which should be an Olympic event by-the-way, just like car dancing. Well, then I listened to the words and it kind of made me teary. Other things that have made me think my mom is talking to me have been random quotes she used to say popping up on the TV, finding lost pictures of times gone by, feelings of peace when I can't do the chores that need doing because one of the kids needs me. My mom always said things like "Where else would you be right now? or You're exactly where you are supposed to be." (Usually quoting Dr. Wayne Dyer.) Friends have said things to me that my mom would have said. There is an extremely cute and fat bird that came to see me one day (which I normally wouldn't have noticed because I'm so busy.) I saw a shooting star one night when I got to go for a walk with Parker-this doesn't happen as often as it should. And Adam, who has started cooing, now wakes up in the middle of the night hungry (that's the normal part,) but instead of crying or fussing, he is happy to coo-coo-catchoo for 15-20 minutes before we go and get him. We keep waiting for him to scream, but he just keeps talking to himself and maybe my mom, too. All of them little things, but it really feels like my mom is sending me little messages.
So, I guess I am alright. The kids are alright too. Randal is a saint. I know I'm not a lot of fun right now. I sometimes spontaneously burst into tears. I can go from happy to sad in 0 seconds. And still he is ever there and loving me. Randal lets me escape when I need to, whether it's Girls' movie night, reading, blogging, eBay, another new quirk called World of Warcraft or just going for a walk. The eBay and WoW is what probably qualifies him for sainthood. He lets me call him three times in one day, just because I need to talk. Even my mom TRIED to have a policy when I was little to only call her once a night at work! And she's pretty saintly too. There is more too. I hope when the time comes, I can be exactly what he needs in his time of need.
If I am still in your prayers, I would appreciate you adding my dad to them too. Mel Purnell from Kalispell, catchy isn't it? He is experiencing some health problems and financial worries and I selfishly just want everything to be okay now because I can't handle anymore trials by fire. Thanks.
